NaPoMo #3- Doctor Day (Parts I and II)

4.3.19

I: From the Doctor’s Office

Turn on camera

And sneak in excited selfies

Hi future me

Here I am

In hospital gown

Bare chest underneath

Prime

Double incision candidate

Prevent dog ears

Get it done by the end of July

No more sensation

After “nippie grafts”

But contour is left promising

WPATH Standards of Care

Requires a note from a licenced

Psychologist who

Can attest to your sound state of mind

In order to proceed

Rule out cancerous cells

Then the legal battle

With insurance

To the parents left twiddling thumbs

Prescribed family therapy

Get in my lane or

Let me speed past.

II: From the Therapist’s Office

Or, alternatively

The one where the therapist has a eureka moment

Like the ones you see in the movies

In summary,

It’s because you were adopted.

Maybe,

She begins

Maybe this is why you

Grasp

Hunger

Crave

Intimacy

Closeness

Understanding

The act of having a voice

I have skewed visions

She continues

Of realistic expectations

Of individuals

Which is why people disappoint you so often.

On top of everything,

There’s an otherness.

You have no fallback

No default,

“Well, they’re blood and I’m stuck with them.”

There is no looking at Mom and Dad

Knowing

Shit

That’s going to be me one day.

There is no more safety net

In the humans that raised me

You are your own safety net now.

They care

But they are in mourning

Of their little girl

Youngest of two.

You could run away

You could leave and never return

But you won’t

Because it’s all too important to you:

The concept of family

The sense of belonging

The familiarity

Of white picket fences and blue skies.